Managing With Micah

For the past couple of months I've wanted to write a post that's about Micah. For those that don't know, Micah is on the autism spectrum. He has his good days as well as his bad, but what almost four year old doesn't? The only way I can think of describing our journey with Micah would be like a theme park. Each ride or attraction is a different life skill or emotion. Some are easily mastered and enjoyed, while others... others are difficult. They are difficult to try and explain that there is nothing to be afraid of or that they shouldn't be attempted because of age or size. Navigating the park can be exhausting, especially for Micah.

But man, is this kid awesome.

He surprises me daily with the things he can do. Every single day I get a small glimpse of his personality and it's breathtaking. He is inquisitive, fearless, funny, smart, strong, creative, and challenging.

I've been hesitant to write this post because... quite frankly, kids with needs are treated differently and tend to be avoided, and their parents tend to be pitied. So writing about Micah and autism seemed about as useful as watching paint dry. It wouldn't change how people naturally react.

After Micah was born, the following months were rough. And not the typical first time mom rough. I knew Micah was different, but as a first time mom I didn't know how to get anyone to listen to me. Since birth, Micah would spit up half (if not more at times) of what he'd take in. Every single day, every single time he ate, for over the first year of his life this happened. I can't tell you how many times I called the pediatrician but the kept insisting it was "normal" and hinting that I was being "that mom". I was frustrated because I felt like I was letting my son down. I'm his biggest advocate and I was failing. He had test after test done but everything came back "normal". Sidenote-I really hate the word normal. Plus with Micah barely on the growth chart, doctors still considered that growth and kept insisting it was normal. I felt defeated. He was put on a high calorie formula and at one point failed to gain even an ounce of weight in three months. But he was still on the growth chart. Doctors kept insisting that he was just burning it up and had a high metabolism and that Chris and I are smaller and therefore should assume Micah would be the same.

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" is all I wanted to scream at them. Micah hardly slept even as a newborn (because he was hungry) which meant we barely slept. He hardly acknowledged if Chris and I were in the room, and honestly there were times that I realized that if I left and never came back that he wouldn't notice. As a first time mom, that's hard. I already had enough hormonal things going on and realizing that my son was indifferent towards me was heartbreaking. I felt like a failure. Could I have done something different during pregnancy? Is his lack of nutrition affecting his development even though the doctors say it's not? What do I do?

After Micah's first birthday, the pediatrician finally put him on some medicine that would help "heal" his stomach to see if that would improve things. It took several weeks but eventually Micah started to keep most of his bottle down. He started to sleep somewhat better and just in time to welcome Kenley into his life. We kept pushing trying to find answers because socially and emotionally we could see that something was different. He also still wasn't talking and we couldn't get him to eat any solid food. We finally were able to set up for him to be evaluated, although nothing would be official because he was only one and a half. It started to feel like progress, but they decided that they thought he just had some behavioral problems. We knew they were wrong.

It's not like we were pushing to have him labeled.. but actually we were. I feel like that's gotten such a bad reputation. Because my son has been labeled with autism, guess what.. he's getting the therapy he needs. He's getting the education the way he needs to in order to better understand it. He's getting what I can't give him. Negative labeling never helps anyone, but special needs needs to stop being looked at as negative.

Micah sees the world in a way that I can barely understand sometimes. But he sees the world in a way that I wish I could. He sees it with such life and that is something to be admired. He is the definition of living life to the fullest.

I'm not a perfect parent. I don't dress my kids fabulously, but they have what they need. I don't have the greatest patience or even understanding at times because I'm human and have my own limitations, but God blessed me with a husband whose patience and understanding extends mine. I don't have the greatest or latest toys, but I work to get them what they could use to help them developmentally. This year we had to put off the Christmas presents until later this month because things were so tight with having to get Micah's insurance. I'm not upset that we couldn't do gifts (from us) on Christmas, because that's not the reason for the season anyways. God blessed me with an amazing, unique son, and a way to provide for him, and that's all I need. So in that I would say that I'm a perfect parent. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses as a parent. I know what I can do for my son and what I can't. I know how to ask for help because my son is more important than my pride. I know how to encourage my son because I know there is nothing to be ashamed of by having autism. I know how to fight for my son because I know where he would be if I didn't. I know how to be perfect, with all my imperfections, for my son. He will always be worth it.

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